Man met woman, both fell in love (no bias, man and woman are interchangeable and can be used in varied permutations and combinations. I just felt man met woman sounds very zexy!).Then they wanted to be together… They wanted to cook together, eat together, and wake-up together… So the society decided- let there be marriage- a provision for two individuals to share their lives, families and what not.
Welcome to the 21st century. Man meets woman, he loves woman, something goes wrong, they break up. Man meets another woman, wants to be with her, but both aren’t sure if they want to be married. But does that mean they don’t want to be together? No, they still want to be closer and all that. So they live together. “I think it’s the tag ‘married’ that people shy away from marriage and choose a live-in relationship,” explains piu_frankie when I ask her if people prefer live-ins over marriage.
Sometimes it is the practical thing to do. I lived in London and many of my friends just lived with their partners, because it made sense to split finances and it saved them a lot of time. “Look when you have to cook, clean, work and everything, morals and societal norms go out the window,” said one of my friends who moved in with her guy. For some, it’s a natural step in the process to get married. “It’s like test driving a car,” G says cheerfully. Fair enough.
Dating a person or having a relationship is one thing. But to figure out whether or not you share a bond strong enough to survive the challenge of facing and dealing with life together, is no joke. Lavinm says that since a live-in is less socially binding than marriage, it’s easier to walk away from a failed live-in. It might be a good try out but does that make it an excuse to not work hard on making it work?
Streetanchor thinks so. “I had two live-in relationships and it didn’t work because it was easy to walk away.” A little trouble in paradise could mean you part ways, ‘cause if it’s a break-up it’s a break-up. It’s still not a ‘divorce’.
But one is equally invested emotionally and can be just as devastated if a live-in didn’t work out. Abhishek thinks that legally binding or not, a failed relationship leaves just a scar just as deep as the other. And the fact that he was in a live-in didn’t stop him from putting in an effort. “I lived in with someone for two years and I did what I needed to do to make it work. I went that extra mile. It didn’t work out, but I gave it my 100 percent.”
So I am back to wondering, do men prefer live-ins over marriage? Sengupta opens my eyes! “Why does a live-in or marriage have to be mutually exclusive. It can be one followed by the other, right?” That brings us back to the test drive metaphor G gave us. But if someone’s living in and it’s working just as fine, should marriage be the next big step? Or it shouldn’t matter? Is one different from the other at all?
“Marriage just makes paper work far easier. Beyond that it’s worthless,” says Sharon who lived with her boyfriend and is married to him now. Then why do we pine for marriage? Why do most of us come to a dilemma when the choice comes to live-in vs marriage. (I speak for myself) Of course the society has programmed us to think that marriage is the right thing to do. Now call me a prude or conservative but personally, I feel that more often than not, live-ins are a matter of convenience and often viewed as an easier option out. But I gather the choice doesn’t really matter. “If you are uncommitted in a live-in, you might be uncommitted in marriage too!” says Sharon “It is very subjective, don’t you think? Works for but might not for others.”
All the above talk makes me wonder, if given a choice, would men prefer a live-in or marriage?
That’s all true, but I’m still clueless about exactly what would men pick if they had a choice?
“The contents of both are the same. Live in is a Monet without a frame, marriage is a Monet with the frame. You tell me what’ll last stronger, that’s the one I want!” says Particleman. But do people prefer living in to marriage because it’s lesser pressure and a reduced level of commitment, as piu_frankie earlier pointed out? The men I spoke to, made me think that statement is rubbish. “Marriage is a reaffirmation of your love. It’s beautiful to share everything,” says Hypertoot. But those things you get in a live-in too! “If you are committed, what’s wrong with going that extra step and calling it marriage?” Makes sense!
Sukhdeep too loves the sense of security marriage offers. “There’s a sense of belonging. In a live-in, you don’t know if you’ll be together within the next week or the next month.”
So there you have it. Marriage or live-in, call it what you must. It’s sharing a life together. A piece of paper might differentiate one from another, but the responsibilities and perks of both are similar. Sharing little joys, big disappointments and being there for each other. Boyfriend or husband, girlfriend or a wife, you still have to love their crazy hair in the mornings or put up with their silly habits that could be maha-annoying. So marriage or live-in- what you pick or choose depends on your situation.
)
Recent Comments